What if...

What if your husband died? Would you marry another Deaf man, or would you marry a hearing man? Would you continue to attend church with the Deaf congregation? Would you continue to sign with your kids? Would you continue to associate with the Deaf Community? What if...?

Surprisingly, I have been asked these questions or questions like these before. I've thought of them myself over the years. No one likes the thought of the love of their life passing away, but the questions do come up... What if...? What would I do?

Reading some of the stories on our blog, you'd think that living with a deaf person is a very trying experience, but it really isn't. It's different. That's for sure. Trying? No. It adds fun adventures to my life. It adds an entire world that I didn't have before. "Family" that weren't there before. Not just for me, but for my kids as well. 

As you probably already know, the Deaf World is so small! Just about everyone knows everyone, and if not, you know someone who knows them. It's like a great big family. Everyone can communicate and understand each other clearly. For a lot of Deaf people, the Deaf Community is the place they first experienced having no communication barriers - most don't have that "luxury" in their childhood homes. That communication unites people from all walks of life: all financial situations, all ethnicities, all religions - all come together to create a unique and diverse culture rich with traditions, language, history, stories, and a feeling of belonging. 

If my husband passed away... Would I give that all up? Walk away from the world I've been a part of for nearly 20 years now? I'm not sure I could. 

So what about a husband? Would a new husband be deaf or hearing? Personally, I think it'd be strange to be married to ANY man other than the wonderful man who currently holds my heart in the deepest way possible. When I think of marrying a hearing man... That would be weird beyond imagination. He'd be able to hear me trying sneak a surprise. He'd hear my phone conversations and realize how really silly I can get when talking with my family (he'll think I've gone mad!). He'd be able to hear all the "unpleasant" noises we all make from time to time. I'd probably continually try to make sure he understands what people are saying, sign to him from across the room. How would we ever be able to have a private conversation in public!? I could go on... And on...

No, it wouldn't work. I'll stick with what I've got! If he passes away, I'll probably live the rest of my life as a single widow. I'd make sure the kids know and use sign language. Although, I still often feel like an outsider in the Deaf World (not being deaf myself and not having that shared experience), I think there'd be a big hole in my life if I were to totally walk away from the Deaf Community. I'd still want my kids to know and understand that world - their father's world - to better know and understand him...

I guess in the end, I'm still not exactly sure what I'd do if I ever had to face that situation, but I do know this: I wouldn't want my life, now, to be any other way!

What would you do if your Deaf spouse passed away (if you're hearing)? What would you do if your hearing spouse died (if your deaf)? 

-- Mrs. P